He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
