mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
