Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
