you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
