okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
