I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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