Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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