he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
