my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
