I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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