fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've blown a few things in my day
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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