I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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