you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
