I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
