I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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