I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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