I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
