Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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