That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
