How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
