i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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