Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
