friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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