My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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