He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
