He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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