9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
