I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
