She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
worst night to have a conscience
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
