is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
