Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
