This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
