im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dude. I can hear the air.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
