how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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