i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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