Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
