The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
