Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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