i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
