Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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