Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
