my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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