Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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