After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
