i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
