i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
