yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
