Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
