It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have fence marks all over my body
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
