ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
