a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
