Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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